Johnny the Homicidal Hedgehog
The dream started with a memory of a roller-coaster park, and how much I want to go there.
In this dream within a dream, the group that was going walks down a wooden pier toward the entrance. Employees of the park littered the fence in the water, singing and wiggling to entertain us. When we reach the turn in the pier, and an employee, dressed as a sailor, greets us. He informs us that we have to leave all our ice, food, and refreshments with him. They don’t allow any outside edibles in the park. We agree to the terms and enter, but the dream ends there.
I wake then, and say to the man next to me, “We have to go there.” The man, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, agrees that we should go, but reminds me of our dilemma.
“We have to walk, you know,” he says. I shrug, and we start off anyway.
The trip is uneventful as ever, until we reach a campground. A countless number of RVs stand before us, like a great herd of petroleum-powered buffalo.
“Let’s get one,” I say, and we rush down the hill to choose the perfect one. The RV I found was empty. Good, no mess. Johnny jumps into the drivers seat on the second floor, and I explore the lower level of this double-decker behemoth.
Finding very little of interest, I return to the passenger seat of the RV. I’m not sure Johnny knows how to drive, but I’m not sure I care much.
We start going through a tunnel, and the view fades black. “The Blue Gang” appears in the blackness, Sonic-style. It fades, and the view goes back to our own.
It’s around this time that I realize that I’m dressed in a tank top and jeans, and am, indeed, Amanda Schroeder in the dream.
While traversing the now-lit tunnel, grey, malformed monsters approach us, staring with their yellow eyes, of which each had one.
Johnny insists that we kill them, but I remind him that the point of the level is to get through as quick as possible. He steps on the gas, and has a decent amount of speed when we make it to the first ramp.
What follows is a Sonic-type level. The road becomes twisted and deformed, with a red wall on either side to prevent us from falling off.
Too bad the wall is hedgehog sized, and we’re in a double-stack RV.
Johnny manages to navigate the roadway well, not getting hit and collecting many rings. He soon gets the blue magnetic shield from a checkpoint, and the game goes on.
The road gets thinner, and at one point, it appears as if the RV must grind to get across. Johnny reaches out the window with a shepherd’s crook and latches on to the railing we must grind on, and supports the entire weight of the RV in his arm as we slide further down a spiraling road.
A few minutes later, the level ends, and we are back on normal road, driving to the amusement park.
I then go downstairs to see if there is anything to eat, and all I find are fruity candies. I turn on the TV and listen to the news – of course, we’re the top story.
They’re replaying an interview with my mother, who can’t say anything bad about me or my friends, and is telling me to come home, and screaming at the police to piss off. Go mom.
They interview random people, and all they say is some variation of, “I don’t know why she hangs out with that freak,” or “I’d make a much better boyfriend.” I laugh at them. “Let them wallow in their ignorance,” I think, and wobble my head a bit.
At this time I notice the RV is slowing down, I rush up to Johnny, and he tells me to get back down. There’s a police roadblock ahead.
I run down to lock back door to the RV, and wait with panicked breath.
Then I wake up for real.