How to Make the Most Feared Taco Bell Order in Northwest Ohio

(Originally written some time in early 2002 as a “How To” paper for Comp 101. It amuses me now that I spend a fair bit of time writing how-to documents for work.)

Like any other restaurant, the food prepares of Taco Bell must learn certain abbreviations that mean the names of products and their alterations. This is easy enough, and the food it prepared quickly. However, on certain occasions, someone will place an order with so many alterations, it’ll take even skilled workers a few false starts to get it perfect.

The first thing you need to be able to make the most feared Taco Bell order in Northwest Ohio is to be an employee at a Taco Bell. (If you cannot fulfill this requirement, then skip to the end to get ordering instructions.) Anyone can attempt to make this, but, since the following instructions will be written in measurements of “scoops” rather than ounces, it might be a little difficult.

Now that you’ve got your stripes on and you’ve donned your pepper hat, step in front of the steam line, which is where the heated food products are. Directly in front of you, above eye level, will be the paper products. Grab a pizza platter, which is the only square shaped cardboard box in front of you. Below the paper products and continuing to the right is the shells for various items. What you want to grab is the pizza shells. Those are flat, disk shaped shells that look like fried soft taco shells. Take one, and place it in the pizza box.

Below the shells is the heated food products. There are two rows of pans. In the far right of the first row is a pump, which is used to portion out the nacho cheese. Pump two scoops of nacho cheese onto the shell that you’ve placed in the box. When that is done, reach back to the shells and grab another pizza shell, placing it on top of the nacho cheese covered one.

In the middle of the back row of food product is the chicken and steak. If the steam line is set up properly, the chicken is on the right. Place a scoop of chicken onto the top of the second shell.

To the right of the chicken is the pizza sauce, which is basically a very mild and soupy salsa. Place a scoop of pizza sauce over the chicken. This is the last hot-product to put on the pizza.

Next is the cold product. The first cold product to be put on the pizza is a handful of the three-cheese blend. Make sure that you’ve spread out this blend of shredded cheddar, mozzarella, and pepper-jack cheeses enough that you can barely see the chicken and sauce below it, but it’s not over the edge of the shells.

After the cheese has been applied properly, grab a handful of diced tomatoes from the cold line, and spread them evenly over the cheese.

The third cold product can be found at about eye level on the cold line. Grab a handful of the green onions, apply them as you have the tomatoes. Also on this upper level is the salad dressings, more commonly known as the special sauces. Place three squirts of the white pepper-jack dressing, or Baja sauce, over the pizza.

The final step to preparing the pizza is to place it in the steamer, which is located to the right of the cold line. Pull out the tray, and place the pizza box on it. Push the tray back in, and hit the button. When it beeps, remove the pizza and check to be sure the cheese has been melted. When this is done, place the pizza on the tray and give it to the happy Schroe waiting at the counter.

Now that you know how to make it, perhaps you’d like to know how to order it? It may take the cashier several times to get it right, but all you have to say is, “A Mexican Pizza, no beans, chicken instead of beef, with nacho cheese in the middle, and Baja sauce added on the top.”

The most feared order Taco Bell order in Northwest Ohio is quite the tasty meal. Now to see if Chicago is ready to prepare it . . .

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