Art by Meddygon

Wondering where Falco went? Wonder no more. Here’s a hint:

Snowboarding.

That’s right, kiddies! It’s yet another horrific games collision from the twisted dreams of Schroe – SSB Tricky.

…

It was fun, I swear.

I had a dream. This is the second time I’ve had this dream. I know this. But this time, it finished. I think.

Once again, my mother had taken me to some sort of hospital. I’m there to get a physical. The nurses all say I’m there for a physical. I’ve never gone to the HOSPITAL for a physical, just the doctor’s office, but it’s my mom taking me here, so I don’t question it.

The nurse has all sorts of numbers on her desk, all printed on big plastic things. There’s so many people here . . . we’re given the number 99, and told to go look for it. So we walk around this massive room. It’s like a library, it’s fully of things and stuff, books and tapes, maps and toys. The bookshelves move in some places to open up to new areas. All around us, numbers. Ever increasing numbers. We got to about 87, then mom decided we go around the other side. Was it mom, or was it me?

I had a dream that I was at my grandmother’s house, but it was her old kitchen, the one she had before she had it remodeled. I was cooking/cleaning there for some reason. There was a knock at the door, and, for some reason it was Ettin. (Human, so Paul, I guess.) And he was shorter than me. I gave him snacks to munch on while he waited for whatever he was waiting for. Ah, we were waiting for Jorenko to return.

Once Jorenko arrived, we played some sort of game, and Ettin kept score on a piece of paper. He scanned it to make copies on the wrong scanner. The scanner he used was reserved for the school. (I don’t know.)

Later, we went outside. My family was there, The total group outside was Ettin, Jorenko, me (whoever I was.) Schroe (Amanda Schroeder), Aunt E, Mother, Grandmother, and a few others that were in a group to the side. This is what made me realize that the view I had was not through the eyes of Amanda Schroeder.

We looked to the sky at the noise of a jet, only to see a toy airplane/spaceship flying by. We soon learn we were mistaken as it flew in closer and appeared to be the size of a jumbo jet. It flew very low overhead, and toward the Northeast. There, it crash-landed (into the oil refinery, I realized once I woke up). Aunt E’s house is in that direction, so she ran off screaming to her Porsche to rescue her children.

When she returned, Roxanne and Jay, her kids, as well as Brittany, their neighbor, hopped out of the car. We were all quickly ushered into the warehouse behind my grandmother’s by the military. Two armed guards stood at the door to prevent us from leaving. We were given water, snacks, and juice to consume while we waited, most of which was taken by Ettin (though not necessarily eaten.) There were chairs, nice furniture, not just folding ones. There were tables, and there were plenty of cards.

There were three decks on one wicker table, and one on another. I grabbed one of the decks from the three and began to shuffle. The marking on the back of the deck was Sunoco – the oil refinery that was just attacked by the UFO.

There were people outside, taunting us. They flew radio-control jet models into the warehouse doors, which were glass, so we could see, but they did not break.

My family was getting anxious to leave. Finally, after dark, a van showed up to take us away. We drove past the pricks who’d been taunting us, and while most stayed quiet, I stuck my head out the window and flipped them the bird, while shouting, “FUCKING TWATS!”

The bottom of a hill. We’re now at the bottom of a city street that goes downhill. I’m alone. Wait – Amanda’s behind me. There’s things on the side of the road, hiding behind boxes. Perhaps they’re the aliens. They pay no mind to us, instead, they run to a larger box. They break it open, and this purple mass of goo begins to attack us.

Amanda and I run, and I notice something – she’s Schroe, the blue haired one. Maybe the Amanda soul can hide the hair and fit in?

We make it to the top of the hill, and the goo is stretched to it’s limit. It had to keep one end at the box, but it could stretch to get us. It partially solidified while chasing us, and was now more of a . . . one eyed purple worm.

We were in someone’s apartment, fighting this worm. We got the people out, and Schroe handed me a mallet and told me to start beating the hell out of the thing while she mixed chemicals to destroy it. She mixed, we defeated it, the end.

Then the fucking garbage truck came by and woke me up.

I had a dream I was a character in an RPG, one of the party. The story started in a small village (as they all do) Where villains within where tossed over the gates in such a manner that they became were beasts once outside.

Josh, someone I went to high school with, was in this dream as an honest farmer blamed for the murder of a mill worker. He was thrown over the gates.

A group of fur traders from the north came into the village to sell furs. They were selling them cheap, so everyone went to look the best furs. While looking in the pile, I noticed a few of the furs had man-like faces, but distorted to look like an animal.

These men were hunting the were-beasts. Josh was a good man, and was wrongfully punished. One of the outsiders, being a witness to the actual murder, though not saying anything, saw me weeping and knew that what they had done was wrong. He grabbed a fur for himself, and announced to the villagers what they had done, and left to rescue the people they have framed. The best furs came from honest people; that’s why they framed people.

The villagers took care of the fur traders, and the man and I left to search for Josh. Josh had become a brown bear, though he still retained a human face and mind.

We fought battles, and I was always sorting through the weapons, comparing stats. He often mumbled, “I never should have brought you.” During battles, I wasn’t much use due to my small stature, but I had strategy up the wazoo, often biding my time for one giant blow to finish the fight.

We added to the party a swordswoman who was rather petty and vain, and an elf who only used magic.

Last I recall, the swordswoman wore a blue uniform (which I’ll draw later), the “Hero” wore a similar blue uniform (he took it off a swordsman that attacked us) the elf I didn’t get a good look at, and I wore a pale blue vest over a white shirt (I couldn’t tell if it was trousers or a dress or robes that I wore, but when I had looked down at myself, I was comparing the stats of the swordswoman’s uniform to my own.

I would always make sure the other party members had all the best weapons, and I would take the spares, and the hand-me-downs.

Josh had hidden himself quite well in the snow . . . as a snowman. He broke into our camp and flopped down on the ground, trying to pretend that everything was normal. I ripped the snow from him and proved him wrong.

The swordswoman was ready to slay him, but the hero stopped her.

Then I woke up.

I had a dream with a lot of Indian taxi drivers, an Arabic traveling salesman, and . . . pikmin?! It had pikmin in it. I remember how it started now . .

I was running around a pikmin simulation, collecting things, and the Arabic traveling salesman came by. All my friends took off their pikmin suits and ran to buy “Toffic,” whatever the hell that was. The bus the salesman had had signs with “TOFFIC TOFFIC TOFFIC” over the top. So we all got in line at the side, and when it was my turn, they were out of Toffic. So I bought Parasite Eve for Gamecube from him instead. He tried to sell me Pikmin as well, but I already had it. I also paid for some Toffic and he said he’d leave me a plate when he left. So I ran off to talk to my friends, and when he left, I got my Toffic, which was mashed potatoes, rice, and icing-coated pastries. Wild rice, the long grain stuff, not white rice.

A Puerto Rican man decided it was time for my training, so he took me to a spy training facility located behind the woman’s restroom. We walked into the stall, and there was another door BEHIND IT. It was like a firing range at first, then he took me further into a Deathmatch level. We stalked each other, then I decided that he was really a bad man and ran out the door. For some reason, the door to the stall was a normal door, with a doorknob, and it was the door for the stall and a small room NEXT to the stall. I’m hiding in the side room next to the bathroom stall, and I let the door shut.

Since it’s one door covering both parts, I can’t get back out until someone lets me out, so I wait for the guy to exit, and then I’d try to cap him. But some old lady decides to go to the bathroom, so I leave then, and tell her to lock the door in front AND behind. She says, “Oh yes, wouldn’t want your friend sneaking up on me!” Then I hear him cursing and swearing because the door’s lock.

This’ll be in a game some day, or in a movie, or something, and you can say, “I WAS THERE!” but no, no, it’s always “Where’s the nudity!”

I run off, and there’s an old friend of mine from high school who started running next to me. She says we’re trying to catch the bus, and she points – there’s a city bus speeding off to it’s next stop, and we have to get to it to get back into town. We miss the bus, of course, so we start walking down the highway to get to the city, which is odd because we’re walking South, and I know the city’s North. But I go with it, and she sees a friend of hers driving past, she calls to him – “JIMMY! JIMMY WAIT UP!” and he spins off to the side of the road to pick us up.

Jimmy’s Latino, and he’s got two young African Americans in his back seat. They’re listening to the radio. On the radio they’re playing one of the songs that my high school band played in competition – To Challenge the Sky and Heavens Above. So he continues to drive, South. This friend of mine from high school was always a flirt and a tease, and (here’s your nudity) she’s in the back seat with the two boys . . . doing stuff.

Jimmy drives to his home, which happens to be a mobile home. I get out of the car, further from the city than I was before, though I didn’t know why I was going there in the first place. I leave my friend to whore herself out to Jimmy and his two friends, and I start walking down the road.

I had a dream that a friend of mine that I hadn’t seen in a long while came over. Imagine Joanna Dark, about 16-17 years old. In the dream, I was around 18-19. She came over, and we just sat in my room and talked. It turned out that she had run away from home, her mother just giving her too much pressure.

Later in the day, her mother came over, and started bitching up a storm. I said to her, “Just calm down a second, there’s something I want to show you.” I walked back into my room, the friend hiding in the corner. I grabbed a dragon-hilt dagger from my desk, and left my room. Luckily, the mother was facing the other way. I stabbed her in the back once, just below the shoulder blade. She screamed, and I said, “Don’t worry, it’ll be all over, soon . . . “

She tried to run away, down the stairs. I grabbed her by the shoulder and threw her to the ground. I thought to myself, “She’ll bleed to much. Oh well.” and grabbed a sword from behind my couch. I unsheathed it and thrust it into her chest, killing her.

The next thing I know, I’m in court, in a blue dress. I’m crying because I have no clue what’s going on, but they tell me I killed someone. They take me into the back room to let me calm down, and I see a few other people there, too . . . and older man, nearing 60, bearded. Three younger people sit around him, one of them is my friend from before, another female, around 20, and a male about 23. Then it hits me – The ‘kids’ all related . . . and I killed their mother, oh shit of shits. They back me into a corner, and then I woke up.