SDO

Every bloody time I tell him something new, or he learns something that he didn’t know before, he runs around spreading his newfound knowledge as if he knew it all along, and everyone thinks he’s so bloody smart when he’s really just feeding of other’s intelligence or some site he read.

You have no chance to survive make your time.

*ding* The time is now: two oh four a m

Shouldn’t you be baking?

MUFFINS.

No no no, dough noughts doughnuts do noughts donuts

Yes.

Going to Schnorks’s house on Tuesday. This’ll be my first time meeting a net friend. This is going to be so cool. I suppose it’ll be good to get to know Schnorks better – I’ll be going to school in Chicago, and it’d be nice to have a “last resort” type thing. I asked Jorenko to go along ‘cos I knew my parents wouldn’t let me go alone, and, well, he’s the only one I’d want to go anywhere with. Squee’s mum wouldn’t let him go anywhere by himself, and I don’t want to be caught dead alone with Matt. I’m not close enough with anyone else to go with them to a big city alone.

I decided not to tell Matt about the trip at all. He’ll probably find out from reading this after I post an STotD. Ignorance is bliss, I suppose, but when you find out, you ‘re crushed . . . I didn’t want him to go, I don’t want him to feel like I have anything for him, I don’t want him to take anything the wrong way. I don’t want to lead him on like Chris did me.

Oh, yes, it’s getting to me. Everything he says to her makes me think he’s trying to get her to be what I once was . . .

Don’t you just hate it when you think and think and type and type and things and thoughts change from one subject to another? I do!

Boing.

There’s Mime. He’s fun, really. We play around, flirting somewhat. We play Half Life and other games together, and he, like many of the guys in Studio, adores me for being a female gamer. But the extent of his interest, it seems is the fact that I’m female, and therefore screwable. I know that’s what he wants from me – he just wants a “fuck-buddy” as he called it.

There’s also Lupus. He’s younger than me, but hell, he’s fun. I can talk to him, and he’ll listen, and he doesn’t get jealous or anything. He’s just a friend, and I like that.

Schnorks (I know he’s going to read this) is probably the only person next to Chris that knows the most about me. Take that!

In a different world, the “real” world . . . it’d only real because it’s tangible . . . the net life is just as emotionally real . . .

In the “real” world, there’s people I like, and people I can’t stand, and things I can’t change. I’ve got less power in the ‘real’ world, and that makes me uncomfortable.

Things have happened to me in life that make me run away to places where I can be in charge.

So many people have left him all his life – his parents, his friends, his family . . . and he says I’m all he’ has left. I don’t like that kind of attention. He wants to attach himself to me, he wants me to be part of his world all his life and never ever leave him ever . . .

Read the rest of this entry »

Here you are, looking at my online journal. Good for you. It’s a known fact that the net is a web of lies, and this is now exception. I try hard to tell the truth, but sometimes I get carried away. It’s up to you to decide when I’m lying, because, frankly, sometimes I don’t even know (or at least I won’t tell).

I suppose I shouldn’t mention names, but, hell, if you don’t know me, you won’t care, and if you do, you already know who I’d be talking about.

I feel cheated.

Goddamn it, we used to be so close and then apparently I’m such a bad person now and he won’t talk to me. We used to pretend and play games and tells stories all the time and now that meant nothing at all, apparently.
Read the rest of this entry »