Not angry, just annoyed

I usually go about my life assuming that people do not care about me or what I do. This is easy for me to handle because the amount of people who could possibly care account for such a minuscule fraction of the total population. Knowing this, I am usually content. However, this mindset assures me that I should not share with others what I am feeling, as they will most likely not care. If they do not care, then I would be telling them for the purpose of receiving attention. I do not care for insincerity.  This writing is intended for the internet with no target audience other than those who may stumble upon it and take interest. You don’t need to care. I don’t expect anyone to.

I do not go out of my way to draw attention to myself, nor do I go out of my way to not draw attention to myself. If I have done something, I do not deny it. If you ask me about something, I will tell you (possibly I will modify the truth for storytelling purposes, should some true interest in entertainment be shown, but the facts and original sentiments will remain the same). If I have not done something, I will deny it. I do not take credit for things I did not do, even if credit is given to me (both good and bad). This is the way I live, or at least try to. Emotions are a tricky thing. Too often I’ve run into people who think that their introspective writing should be read by all as a testament to their personal greatness and ability. That is not why I do this. I am writing this because I do not wish to pay someone to sit and listen to me, and tell me it’s normal. I am aware that many people may feel this way and many others will not. That does not mean I can personally benefit from “letting it all out.”

I have learned in my life that it takes nothing to believe in anything. Since nothing is required for any belief, no proof can be attributed to it. This is why those who seek to prove that their belief is real, be it spiritual or urban legend, should be prepared to run into proof that it may not be real. Many people I interact with are religious. I have no issue with that, as structure and regulation are a major part in religious activities and I applaud responsibility. However, the mindset of those willing to believe in such a manner allows some to believe a great many things. Facts are unnecessary to them, and are unheeded when contradictory to what they believe. Rumors and hoaxes are passed around as truth with no verification. Personal opinion is repeated and exaggerated and touted as fact. One’s speculation is cited as evidence.

As this is not my mindset, I am often left wondering what would cause them to think this way. Is it a desire to be right at all costs? Is it so they can feel better, lying to themselves until they believe the lies? Are they so threatened by someone who most likely does not care that they will slander and libel strangers, acquaintances, and political figures? Are they waiting for someone to call them on it so they can pretend they have a personal savior?

I try to not take offense at things said or done by those that surround me. Taking offense gets little done and is a waste of energy. Most likely the one stating the offending words or making the offensive action will not see it as offensive. If their cultural experience has taught them that they are in the right, then they may assume that others will see them as being in the right. Expressing to them that you disagree with their standpoint and would not appreciate hearing it again is probably the best way to handle things. How far can this go, though? Is it right to ask someone to change their everyday actions just to please another person? Or is it better to segregate the factions so that the tension can subside? Is it simply best to ignore the offense and move on with life?

I struggle with these solutions and usually end up taking the stance of the third. My personal offense at something does not mean others take offense, so I will leave it be. I may complain, but I do not expect my comfort to outweigh someone’s way of life.

Responsibility and accountability are things that seem absent from the world today. I have met people who are not happy unless they are blameless. They lay no claim to their actions or decisions, instead choosing to cite outside influences as the reason behind any effect they cause. Their personal lives are never off, even in a professional environment. Their drama dictates their lives. Responsibilities are secondary to their demands of attention. They are not accountable because of something completely unrelated. And, of course, anything stating otherwise is clearly not directed at them. Everything they do that can be called incorrect is dismissed in their minds as a minor mistake that no one should even consider a problem. Unless, of course, they can find another person to pin the blame on, then the issue is restored to its initial size (or expanded). Too often I hear phrases uttered to lay accountability on no one at all, just a general lapse in the system.

I have also met people who, like me, take responsibility for their actions, and hold others accountable for their actions. I see no reason to take joy in this, however, and I do not go out of my way to see that every problem has a creator, every issue has an owner. In a customer-oriented environment, I prefer to see the client happy first, then we can find and correct the problem internally. Outside of work, especially in public limelight, accountability is left to a scapegoat rather than the actual cause. I do not approve of this, but I make myself aware of the facts (sometimes what appears to be the scapegoat is the actual thing to blame).

Too often people will assume that their way is the only way, or that their personal experience is the same as everyone else’s (in that everyone else is exactly like them). This causes issues for me personally as I do not feel this way, and can clearly recognize this. I do not share the hardships of others, and have experienced hardships of my own. I do not think there is much that is universally the same between myself and anyone I meet. As such, I fall victim to people who think that because I am pregnant, I am as confused, helpless, uncomfortable, or naive as they were. I have been given especially helpful advice unwarranted from people, but the majority seek to reassure me that everything will be fine, though I have never had doubts about this. I do not mind folks sharing stories of what they went through when they, or their wives, were bearing children. I do mind people telling me how I should raise my child as if I do not have instruction from elsewhere.

I do not think that many people want to be told that their personal decisions affect all aspects of their life. They believe that they deserve some special treatment, or some attention, due to something happening to them, even if it is happening because of them. This sense of entitlement has always bothered me. Employment and budgeting are the way to prevent and cure financial hardships. If they cannot afford necessities because they have not let go of the belief that they deserve everything they want, then I will not help them. I am in no way obligated to help anyone just because I have been fiscally responsible. No, I do not feel for anyone who isn’t.

I have been awake since 2am.

  1. No comments yet.

  1. No trackbacks yet.

You must be logged in to post a comment.