Metaphorically Speaking

Names have been changed to protect the guilty.

In the great land of Geek, there were several senators and one emperor. The emperor was kind and generous. Most of he senators were vile and picky.

The emperor decided one day to bring in a new senator, Ass. Ass wasn’t liked by the people at all, and was removed. The senator seat was then given to someone the people did like.

Twat, another senator, decided that the emperor was choosing far too many senators, and tried to remove others. When his plan failed, Twat ran away.

The senators each sat on benches. Some senators needed to share benches, but Twat believed that each senator should bring their own bench, if they don’t, they shouldn’t be senators.

Twat later returned and pleaded with the emperor that the senators that cannot bring their own benches should be removed. The emperor promised to consider this. Twat returned to his senatorial duties.

Later, Twat moved his bench, and it was broken in the process. Twat could not live up to his own standards! He vowed to get a new bench soon.

A bench was needed, and a new senator came with his bench. Twat befriended this senator at once, hoping that he would be able to mold the new senator to his ideas. The new senator, Cunt, really didn’t care for Twat’s tactics.

There were now only two bench owners, Cunt and Fuck. Fuck decided that he wanted to be the only bench owner, so he constantly harassed Cunt, hoping he’d go away. Cunt instead pleaded with the Emperor to make Fuck stop.

The emperor didn’t want to do anything to Fuck, because Fuck owned the largest bench. Cunt decided to just ignore Fuck from then on, but Fuck continued his attacks, even trying to damage Cunt’s bench!

Twat smiled with glee at this. He then went to the emperor, to plead again that the inactive senators be removed. The emperor did not agree to this, and Twat left for many months.

During those months, Twat realized that he would never be able to own a bench ever again. He wanted to remain a senator, but how would he do it if it was against everything he ever believed in?

Cunt found out that he had to take his bench somewhere else in the near future, and told Emperor. He agreed to let Cunt go. Before Cunt left for good, though he was going on vacation.

Twat took Cunt’s absence as the perfect opportunity to get what he wants. Twat forged evidence that Cunt was an awful senator, and convinced the other senators of this. These senators then petitioned the emperor to remove Cunt.

Cunt returned from his vacation to find his bench had been destroyed, and none of the senators would explain what happened.

The Emperor, disheveled, approached Cunt, and told him that Twat and the other senators had ruffed him up and forced him to meet their demands. He promised Cunt that he could someday return to the senate, but for now, it was best to just let Twat and his gang have their way.

Several months later, Twat quit the senate, leaving everyone else to deal with his chaos. His minions are still in the senate, inept though they are, and he still controls them.

Many ages and benches later, Fuck’s bench was later broken by his own idiocy. A new senator, not under Twat’s control, was brought in. Twat went on a rampage, and was kicked out from even viewing the senate meetings!

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